How to talk across the political divide

If you want to converse with someone who thinks differently than you do, it is important to learn the feelings of the other person, try to learn their personal experiences, show he/she is being listed to, and being respectful of other people. 

In order to create space for such type of conversation, we need to abandon certain expectations:

1) Give up the expectation that you are going to convince the other person

2) Give up the expectation that any conversation will be logical

3) Give up the belief that if we are totally open, the other person is also going to be open to us.

The core principles of this ability to talk across the political divide requires: 

1) respect of the other person

2) curiosity

3) being open

4) knowing that sometimes people want to defend themselves, become aware if that is what you are doing also.

5) there is a common good, and we have to believe that we may find a common good with others different than us.

Skills encouraged to use through the conversations (tone setting skills):

1) let the other person know that you want to understand him/her

2) ask permission from the other person ("Can I ask you this question?") show them you want to understand him/her

3) Acknowledge where you are coming from, let the other person know where you are coming from.

4) Offer something critical of your own side (be self-critical openly)

Listening skills:

1) make sure that you paraphrase properly what the other person said.

2) ask honest questions of understanding, show you want to be able to understand.

3) listen for the values that are underlying to his/her sharing, so that you can become more aware of where he/she is coming from, to avoid assuming the wrong thing, listen for the hidden message.

Speaking skills:

1) use the "I" statements more often than truth statements. Example" This is how I see it - vs - this is how it is …

2) use expressions such us: "I am concerned about…." Instead of being definitive as if you knew what an outcome of something is, or you hold all the truth. Share what you are concerned about.

3) Mention when you find something you can agree on. 

4) If you feel very strongly about something, feel free to say: "This is  my life experience" -  instead of "this is how it is…"

5) When a conversation is difficult, stay focussed on the situation and what you want to share.

6) Do not use hooks (to manipulate answers), and do not answer to hooks.

7) Do not use provocative statements, and avoid answering to provocative statements

8) Agree to disagree.

Narrative power analysis:

Understanding each other's assumptions, values and life journey to date. How to build trust and uphold transparency? 

Exercise: Ask the following 7 questions

1) What life experience has motivated you to be the person you are today? 

2) Who has formed your belief system?  We are curious, we are not preaching somebody, we are showing real interest in that person

3) What have been your strengths and weaknesses? 

4) What difficulties have you had to endure to become the person you are today?

5) What has been your personal experience that shows you that trust is good?

6) How have you created social change? 

7) What did you learn from the person in your group? 

Recommended book: The Righteous Mind

Neddy

Rev. Dr. Neddy Astudillo
Director for Training and LatinoAmerica
neddy@greenfaith.org
815-5198090
Tampa, Florida

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